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Why Is Hot Hot?

What is the ideal female? What do men find most physically attractive and why? The average playboy centerfold measures 35-23-35, average age 22. Wikipedia defines the pulchritudinal ideal as 5 ft 9 and measures 34-24-24. Victoria secret model Marisa Miller is 5’10 34-23-34. QUESTION: Why do most men and society find these women attractive? Attraction is subjective and changes with priorities and age. Some of us have types that we find attractive but often end up with people who don’t fit that mold. It is really a matter of- “you know when you know.” However, studies have shown that there is one constant to physical beauty- symmetry.
We all know when it comes to female sexual attractiveness there is a societal template. We love the Playboy/ Victoria Secret body type and youthful appearance strictly for breeding. A symmetrical figure with our ample curves is the best vessel to carry seminal seed to fruition. aka-That body type is most likely to have a healthy baby. As with many things in our life; Our wanderings, leanings, lustings and decisions are made subconsciously and tie into our basic sexual origins.

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Is that all?

Premature Ejaculation (PE) is a condition that can affect men emotionally and physically and take a toll on their relationships. The most common way to describe this condition is an ejaculation that occurs before both partners would like it to.  Intercourse plays a huge role in the success and happiness of a relationship and marriage. Over time, unresolved sexual problems can slowly chip away at this bond for both partners.

Effective communication is crucial to a healthy and long lasting relationship; however it can often be difficult for a man to discuss his premature ejaculation concerns. There is a lot of unnecessary shame that is associated with the condition and many men think that admitting they have problem makes them less of a man. More so than not, not talking about the problem is what actually makes it worse. Misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and anger can quickly escalate.

On an evolutionary level, intercourse promotes what scientists like to call “pair bonding.” During sex, and particularly during an orgasm, chemicals like oxytocin and dopamine are released; these chemicals help strengthen the bond between both partners. During this time, there is also an increased feeling of trust and security as well as an emotional attachment. These bonding emotions are crucial to the overall health and longevity of a relationship therefore when both partners miss out on these healthy bonding chemicals they are instead left with negative feelings of inadequacy and disappointment.

Premature ejaculation is a common condition and it is usually caused by a combination of an over sensitive glans penis (head of the penis) and nervousness and performance anxiety during sex. It affects 25- 40% of men in the United States. PE is more common in younger men and often resolves itself with increasing experience.  During sex, anxiety plays a key role in PE.  If he’s inexperienced and doesn’t know how to control his urges, he can also experience something called “short intravaginal ejaculatory latency time (IELT).” This means he ejaculates after a few thrusts and therefore might be dubbed a “two minute man” by his partner. This behavior can also trigger feelings of remorse in his partner and leave them to think that he is behaving selfishly and that she is merely a vehicle of his sexual pleasure.

Despite the high prevalence of PE, a study presented at the 2004 American Urological Association meeting revealed that only 50% of those affected by PE were distressed by their condition and out of the other 50%, only 12% sought out treatment for their condition. Due to the stressful nature of PE, men are not apt to discuss their issues and view PE as a sign of their masculinity. This may also prevent them from pursuing relationship.

But don’t give up.  Some of the methods used to help erectile dysfunction, (like Viagra and injection therapy), can help.  Medications used to treat depression like Zoloft and Paxil, (SSRI’s), can reduce the normal ejaculatory response and a new medication called Ristenza combines elements of SSRI’s and the active ingredient in Viagra and works for many men.

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Fifty Shades of Grey

This Valentine’s Day the anticipated film release of the landmark book, Fifty Shades of Grey, is upon us. It has sold over 100 million copies and is still going strong. Vintage books acquired the series and is the envy of all publishing houses since the book has spent 100 weeks on the best seller list. The rumor is that Barnes and Noble would have to have closed its doors if it hadn’t been for FSOG. What even more remarkable- the author E.L. James is previously known for writing Twilight fan fiction! Anyone who has read the book will tell you it’s not War and Peace, many say Twilight and Harry Potter were better written. So why has this book connected with so many people . Well, I have to say, even from a sexologist’s perspective, some of the scenes are pretty hot.
Is it breaking new ground? hardly- erotic literature has been around for centuries, so why this book and why now? Why are we in the need for it and why do we consume it so voraciously? And guys, reading this, you should be asking the question why are the women really driving the sales of this book?
Women, as well men love to be turned on. It intoxicates us. We fell relaxed and happy because we’re high on hormones. Being turned on effects our brain very much like alcohol or drugs. While men are turned on mostly by visual images women for the most part prefer erotic stimuli like films and literature- and since it is women who are buying FSOG, men should take notice.
Dr OZ recently said that we are in a state of sexless marriages in America. Many couples are only having sex once a month. Hello! No wonder! Also, we are busy and stressed out. Most middle income families are feeling financial pressure so people need a quick escape. This book answers the call. Its easy reading with a big payoff! So all you men out there pay attention to the call of FSOG and realize that your woman may be wanting some sexual excitement in her life. The good news is that you are the perfect person to provide it.

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Size does matter – Breast size an expose part 2

Anthropologist Helen Fisher relates big breasts as honest signs of the ability to ovulate. Of course the first analyses had to do with fertility. Women with large tumescent (i.e. swollen) breasts are fertile. Older women, whose breasts typically sag, are not likely to have a healthy pregnancy. Similarly, as we became bi-pedal primates, we began to visually display our sex organs. Male and female genitals were readily discernible making sexual interaction easier. Individuals with larger penises for example were easily spotted by ovulating females and mated more often, AKA more offspring with big dicks. As for males searching out females to impregnate large noticeable tits were spotted first. SO genetically it made sense.
Desmond Morris a famous ethnologist. Who wrote the book, The Naked Ape, looked at human sexuality zoologically. He hypothesized that women’s red full lips are transferences of a swollen vulva (maybe the reason why the lipstick industry has done so well) and large breast reminders off buttocks.  These genetic reminders are of inherited mating rituals from when we were quadrupeds. This is not a widely excepted theory but don’t tell that to the MAC corporation lipstick division.
One of my favorite books is Sex: A Natural History, by Joann Ellison Rogers. In it she explores our sexual habits and proclivities through the lens of human evolution. One theory that has gained a lot of momentum over the years is that women with large breasts appeared either ovulating or lactating and, consequently, attracted more males. Males may have protected large breasted females to ensure the safety of their offspring … even in utero. Big breasts may have been a deceptive tactic to fool males into providing them extra food and protection. From the male perspective he is providing for an ovulating female that will provide sex and hopefully become pregnant or, better yet, he is providing for the future mother of his offspring. Hey Darwin are you listening? Big tits are multifunctional! Put them in the genetic matrix.

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Size does matter! But why? breast size an expose- Part 1

Ok, so size does matter when it comes to boobs but the reason why will surprise you.  We all know we love them! It would be next to impossible to find another body part subject to more fascination and scrutiny than the female breasts. It’s how we gained seminal nourishment to survive as babies, then they became items of hilarity and jokes, sources of despair for flat chested teenage girls, goals of passage for teenage b0ys (i.e. the famed “2nd Base”), the basis of augmentation obsession and financial windfall for plastic surgeons. Artists, fashion designers, and pornographers have used large breasts as a way of motivating the masses to consume their products. However, there is a reason that breasts developed in girls long before they are needed for nursing: they are secondary sexual characteristics designed to attract a mate and keep him around.
Men all around the world love a woman with big ample cleavage. Probably more so here in the US with our repressed sexuality (thanks to the puritans and lack of nude beaches). But why… because they look hot? Well not entirely, studies show that what is visual stimulating in breasts is symmetry more than size. An article published in the international Journal of Surgical Reconstruction analyzed 100 photographs of women‘s breasts from the Sun Newspaper website, specializing in topless photos of women with attractive breasts. By establishing a “breast meridian” they systematically defined the perfect breast. Essentially, these researchers found an equal distribution, between the upper and lower breast, ideal. We know that facial beauty is, likewise, dictated by symmetrical lines. So if the perfect boob is even and not too big why the pre occupation with size? It could be genetic… Stay tuned!

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How long should sex last?

How long should sex last? Is there a secret number or time frame?
According to popular beliefs, sex is supposed to last about half an hour or more, however many men are self-conscious about finishing too soon. Media influences like Hollywood movies, magazines and porn has led to the belief that women enjoy (or require) extended sex sessions.

Reality is that the average man lasts about two minutes or less. This might not sound like a very long time but most women don’t seem to have any complaints as long as they can get off as well. The problem with a short sex time frame lies entirely with men and their desire to last longer.

If you’d like to last longer in bed, check out our tips and tricks.

Kegel exercises: Pelvic exercises have been shown to improve ejaculation by five-fold. To perform these exercises, locate and isolate the muscles you use to control your urine flow. Then squeeze and release these muscles rhythmically. Build the amount you can do each time, and vary the rhythm and pattern.  After doing this for while, you will notice that you have more control over your sexual response as well as your bladder.

Change how you think about sex: Most men and women think of sex as a means to an end – getting an orgasm and that’s it. Yet, it doesn’t have to be. Sex is more than just an orgasm – it’s a sensory experience and it’s also about the connection, intimacy, pleasure, and passion. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to last an x amount in bed. Instead, think about her, how she’s feeling, and how you’re feeling. Even if you reach orgasm, it doesn’t mean that the whole experience is over. You can continue with passion and try to get there again.

Be healthy: A good erection is the result of healthy blood flow, so make sure you keep your circulation flowing. Get active, hit the gym, and stay away from cigarettes. Eat a healthy diet and don’t abuse alcohol.

Masturbate more often: You can teach yourself to last longer by masturbating more often and getting more in touch with your sexual responses. As you start to stimulate yourself, stop before you reach the point of no return (an orgasm). Give yourself time to calm down, then begin stimulating yourself back up again and stopping before release. Do this a couple of times until you gain more control over your sexual release and you learn what your point of return is.

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Kama Sutra

Considered the “bible of sex” or the “book of love,” the Kama Sutra (also known as Kama Shastra) is one of three ancient texts written in the Sanskrit language that describe the permissible goals in life. It is devoted to the pursuit of karma. Kama is the Hindu God of love (also meaning desire) and Sutra means narrative or guide.

Historians believe that the Kama Sutra was written somewhere between 400 BC and 200 BC. According to tradition, the companion of Shiva, Nandi, who overheard the God making love to his wife Parvati was inspired to write the Kama Sutra.  In reality, the Kama Sutra is the work of Hindu philosopher, Vatsyayana, who is believed to have lived in the 3rd century.  His interest in human sexual behavior as a medium of attaining spirituality became the inspiration for his treatise- the Kama Sutra.

The Kama Sutra is widely known as a semi-pornographic work of erotica, however this is not the sole topic of its content. The acts of love and sexual congress are divided in eight different methods, each of which may be performed in one of eight different positions. Therefore, there are 64 different acts of love depicted within the Kama Sutra. Aside from sex, topics of heterosexuality and homosexuality are also addressed, as well as female satisfaction. These sections within the Kama Sutra are to help strengthen the bond between both partners.

Although, most people turn to the Kama Sutra for the various sex positions depicted, it also features sections on how to provide pleasure to your partner, how to attract a spouse, how to be a good spouse, and other self help topics. There is also a chapter on courtesans – how to make money, how to behave, and how to be a good mistress.

According to Indian philosophy, the Kama Sutra maintains the four main principles of life (known as purusharthas in Hindi). These four principles are:

Dharma – virtuous living
Artha – material prosperity
Kama: aesthetic and erotic pleasure
Moksha – liberation

“Dharma is better than Artha, and Artha is better than Kama. But Artha should always be first practised by the king for the livelihood of men is to be obtained from it only. Again, Kama being the occupation of public women, they should prefer it to the other two, and these are exceptions to the general rule.”—Kama Sutra

Of the first three philosophies, virtue is the highest goal, a secure life the second, and pleasure the least important. When motives conflict, the higher ideal is followed. Thus, when making money, virtue must not be compromised, but earning a living should take precedence over pleasure.  Furthermore, the Kama Sutra teaches its disciples that a person should learn how to make a living and that youth is the time for pleasure and as years pass, one should concentrate on living virtuously and hope to escape the cycle of rebirth.

In 1883, the Kama Sutra was translated to English by renowned orientalist and author Sir Richard Francis Burton and that is the version widely circulated today. In the introduction to her own translation, Wendy Doniger, professor of the history of religions at the University of Chicago, writes that Burton “managed to get a rough approximation of the text published in English in 1883, nasty bits and all.” The philologist and Sanskritist Professor Chlodwig Werba, of the Institute of Indology at the University of Vienna, regards the 1883 translation as being second only in accuracy to the academic German-Latin text published by Richard Schmidt in 1897.

Although many consider the Kama Sutra to simply be a manual of various sexual positions, at its core, it remains a book of living, about finding a partner, and maintaining power in marriage. It can also be considered a guide toward sexual fantasy and satisfaction.

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Ahh what the hell!

She’s hot. You’re eager. And there’s so much sexual tension. Everything’s going well and you’re one drink away from suggesting you go back to your place. Should you?

Sex on the first date is a tricky subject. Despite women’s progress in shedding stereotypes associated with first date sex, there is an overarching message that many women have received throughout time warning them that sex on the first date will ruin their chances for a second date. All these reasons are tied to other religious, biological, scientific, and self-esteem related implications. But the fact remains: women are held to a very confusing and difficult standard while men are left wondering if they’re respecting her boundaries, should they go with their libido, or let her make the first move. Either way, it’s confusing for both parties.

So let’s get past all the stereotypes and just focus on pure emotions, welcome to 2015 where people recognize sex as an important component of a successful relationship and therefore nothing to be ashamed of – no matter when it happens. For men and women both, sex is now seen as an important factor that establishes compatibility early on while everything else follows. Ultimately, it’s still your choice. Getting naked with someone after only knowing them for two hours might still be daunting however the point here is, there are no hard and fast rules like “no sex till date three” and old fashioned expressions like the vile: “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” Ouch. These are the shameful and unnecessary components of our lives that come between something so simple and normal as dating and sex.

Having sex on the first date is a choice between you and your date. If the moment feels right and there’s chemistry, why not take that chance and sleep together? There is a common misconception according to Cosmo’s poll that 83% of women believe that men will think less of them if they have sex on the first date. However 67% of guys polled said they don’t care when sex happens – if the moment is right, go for it. Unlike women, men are simple creatures. If he’s into her, he’ll ask for more. It’s really then up to the woman on which way she’s swinging and what signals her brain is giving her.

Nowadays, most people can tell if they’re a perfect fit within a couple of hours of meeting each other and most men will tell you that they know whether or not they are calling you again alot sooner then that, whether sex happens or not.  First date sex seals the date in most cases. What if you meet your soulmate but they’re bad in bed? Most people want to know first hand before investing too much time getting to know someone. It’s sad but true. And even if the date doesn’t continue after the first night sex, don’t feel sorry for yourself. You gave into your emotions; you’re human.

Instead of seeing sex as a bad thing, we should work to shift our perspectives and focus on how we’re feeling in the moment. You have reasons for your actions. Don’t feel guilty or get caught up in what society is saying, religions or ethics. Do what you feel is right for you and the moment. Sex is a normal wonderful thing, if we put aside the stereotypes and just focus on the sex, that’s where the fun begins

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Anejaculation is the inability to ejaculate semen despite stimulation of the penis via intercourse or masturbation. It’s actually a fairly common problem and can be frustrating for a couple trying to have children.

The symptoms presented by anejaculation are not to be confused by those of erectile dysfunction. During anejaculation, a man has a normal libido, gets aroused, has an erection, gets to the orgasm phase but there’s no sperm (which was the male reproductive cells and derived from the Greek word sperma meaning “seed”) that is ejected from the erect penis. After his orgasm, he loses the erection. Because of these conditions, anejaculation is usually self diagnosed but due to the symptoms, it might be confused for a sexual dysfunction or retrograde ejaculation. It’s important to know the differences.

During a retrograde ejaculation, the semen (also known as seminal fluid – it is an organic fluid that may contain sperm and other enzymes that allow the sperm to swim and fertilize an egg) goes backward into the urinary bladder, rather than coming forward. In this case, the post orgasm urine is cloudy. When sent to the lab for examination, the doctor will find sperm in the urine. This is why it’s important to figure out whether it was retrograde ejaculation or anejaculation?

What causes anejaculation? There are two types: anorgasmic anejaculation and orgasmic anejaculation. An anorgasmic anejaculation is when a man never reaches an orgasm either via intercourse or masturbation and therefore can’t ejaculate. There is no physical defect, instead his orgasm is limited by psychological factors like stress therefore, he might need additional stimulation during intercourse to reach an orgasm.

The other type is an orgasmic anejaculation. In this case, a man is fully erect, able to experience an orgasm, but not ejaculate. This could be due to blockage in his tubes or damage to the nerves. This could also be a combination of retrograde ejaculation, which is why it’s important to check the urine post intercourse and/or have an exam by a primary care doctor.

To receive treatment for symptoms of anejaculation, start by talking to your primary care doctor, however the catch is, they will ask for either a urine sample or a sperm sample. How does one give a sperm sample if you can’t ejaculate? In a relaxed environment, the doctor will create something called “coitus interruptus” – this basically the “pull out method” aka pulling out of a vagina before ejaculation and is often done at home so that a sperm sample can be collected in a beaker. If this is not possible, the doctor will attempt to vibrate the penis in an attempt to stimulate it to reach an orgasm and collect a sample for testing.  This type of stimulation results in 60% of ejaculations.  If vibrator therapy fails, the doctor will then perform electro-ejaculation. This involves the direct stimulation of the nerves in the seminal vesicles and is also a way to test if the nerves are damaged.  During this procedure, the doctor can also check for any blockage and if surgery is needed to clear the blockage in the urethra.

Anejaculation can also be physical. If you have had surgery due to an enlarged prostate, have Parkinson’s Disease, Multiple Sclerosis, or diabetes – these can also cause anejaculation. Therefore, it’s important to talk to your doctor and find out what exactly is causing your condition and if there are treatment options available.

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Fetish This?

The word fetish originates from the Portuguese word “fetico” which originally meant “charm” and also false power. When the Portuguese explored West Africa and encountered native religions, they called whatever they collected (talismans), a fetish. These collections were usually objects: totems, beads and carvings.  Some people aren’t sure if they have a fetish, they think their fetish is something they admire or a habit. If you have a fetish, you are fixated on something whether it be an object or a body part.

The actual introduction of fetishes were introduced in 1887 by a French psychologist named Alfred Binet and were defined as a predominant or exclusive sexual admiration in an inanimate object. At that time, fetishism was also considered pathological, as in, a mentally disturbed condition that needed to be treated. As time evolved, so did the theory and definition of fetishes. According to the Journal of Sex Research, Anna Lawrence refers to a fetish as a reliance on a non-living object. This non-living object is seen as a stimulus for sexual arousal and sexual gratification and also dubbed as a paraphilia by the medical community. These urges are extreme and atypical and most commonly reported in men vs women. The term paraphilia was coined by Austrian ethnologist Freidrich Salomo Krauss and is literally described as “inverted erotic instinct.” It comes from the Greek words para (beside, aside) and philos (loving).

In a majority of cases, fetishes simply serve as a way to increase sexual gratification.  People with fetishes will often treat their fetish objects in the same way that they would treat their sexual partners. They look for close physical contact, they gaze at them, fondle them, rub against them, suck on them, insert them into body cavities, and they might even cut or burn them. There are several kinds of fetishes, depending on the object being fetishized. Inanimate fetishes are: media, form and animate.

In a media fetish, there is a certain material that is obsessed about. Media fetishes include rubber, leather, latex, and silk. With a form fetish, it is the shape of the object – stiletto heels, knee high boots, and lingerie fall into this category. And then there are animate fetishes, these are usually the most typical.

Animate fetishes can range from feet, hair, butts, and/or breasts.

However, fetishes don’t just stop and end there, anything can be considered a fetish. There are different degrees of fetishism. They range from mild to extreme. When explored fully, a fetish can be the highlight for sex life.

Scientists of sexuality believe that fetishes begin early in life. There is some incident that leads an individual to associate an object to some sort of sexual desire.  According to Sigmund Freud, fetishism develops in response to castration anxiety during the oedipal phase of development. This phase begins around the ages of 5-7 in boys. Children are very impressionable at an early age and absorb a plethora of information on any given day. It is thought that sexual fetishes are the result of environmental factors in early life however there is little research on exactly how genetics influence a fetish and if they’re passed through DNA. A fetish is a unique trait of an individual person based on their tastes and preferences and is an important part of studying someone’s sexual identity but it’s not the same as sexual orientation or their gender expression. A common fetish found amongst men is a “panty fetish.” The Panty Fetish is where men get sexual gratification from touching, smelling and wearing underwear designed for women. Another common fetish is that of feet. Most people view feet as smelly and gross however someone with a foot fetish finds feet as the sexiest part of the body. It is possible for them to get off not only by touching but also seeing feet. The foot is the most popular body part fetish and this could be because feet lead to the leg which then lead to the genitalia.

Sigmund Freud claimed that people sexualize feet because they resemble penises. According to a theory by neuroscientist Vilanayer Ramachandran, director of the Center of Brain and Cognition at the University of California, San Diego, foot fetishes result from something he calls a “phantom foot.” He discovered this while studying brain malfunctions in patients that had lost their feet or had missing limbs. He noticed that the brain failed to notice that a body part was missing and then accidently rewired that missing limb to be something sexual. Patients reported feeling sexual pleasure, and even orgasms, in their missing feet and limbs. From this he concluded that foot fetishes are result of cross-wiring in the brain between the foot and a gentital part.

There is nothing wrong with a sexual fetish as long as it doesn’t interfere with your work life balance and your relationship. Some still see it as a mental disorder but there are many fetish conventions around the world promoting healthy awareness of all fetishes. A popular convention for fetishes is FetishCon which highlights several fetishes and even bondage. However, if you do feel a fetish is interfering with your life, seek professional help and consult your partner. Some people feel uncomfortable discussing fetishes and tend to hide them. Others have found that fetishes have enhanced their sex lives. A sex therapist can help you work through these issues.