Being GAY is defintely a choice!

Confession time.

To all of my Christian brothers and sisters who insist that homosexuality is a choice, I need to break down and finally admit something: I agree with you.

I believe that it absolutely is a choice too, only not in the way that you may have meant.

But I guess that’s largely the crux of the problem we have here. I think you use your terms too loosely without really thinking them through. When you say quite matter-of-factly that homosexuality is a choice, I’m not sure you really know in that moment, just what you mean by “homosexuality”.

Far too often Christian, when you make the statement that being gay is a sin, what you’re really doing without realizing it is reducing all LGBT people down to a sex act — as if that alone defines sexuality.

You’re denying any emotional component in their lives, any capacity to feel real love or show genuine affection toward someone else.

In a gross oversimplification, you’re labeling a complex, fully formed human being as merely a performer of intercourse.

That’s something you would never do with heterosexuality, and especially not with your own sexuality, because you understand implicitly that your sexual orientation is about much more than a physical act. It’s a much deeper part of who you are than that.

It’s about far greater things than just plumbing and gymnastics.

You know that in your own life, the physical act of sex isn’t the totality of your sexuality — that it is also about affection and companionship and the desire to love and be loved. It’s about who you are drawn to and attracted to and compelled to be close to.

In your own story, you experienced those things firsthand before you ever thought about or experienced the act of intercourse. In those moments when you first began to understand your own sexual identity, it snuck up on you and surprised you. There was likely no internal battle, no great wrestling, no real conscious choice to be made.

It was not a decision that you came to, but a realization.

As a third grader, I remember we used to play tag on the school playground during recess — the boys against the girls. (They, after all had “girl germs”, so you had to avoid them lest you be touched and immediately infected). One sunny afternoon, a girl named Lori chased me across the steaming blacktop. Something hit me as we ran breathlessly through the school yard. I suddenly started to realize that I didn’t want to get away from Lori that much anymore. In fact, I sorta wanted her to catch me!

In that moment, there was no decision (other than the decision to start running a whole lot slower).

After that, the journey of the coming weeks and months and years was about more and more being revealed and uncovered over time — never a bit of it chosen.

Christian, you probably recall this in your own story of sexual identity and self discovery don’t you? You simply felt naturally and quite involuntarily, the impulses you felt.

By following those impulses you were making a choice, too. You were choosing to be authentic and true to your heart and mind’s leading. You were choosing to agree with the truth about how you loved. The alternative would never have been an option.

Why is it so hard for you to believe that LGBT people are operating any differently?

It’s rather careless to treat the gay community as if they are choosing their path of orientation, because what you’re implying when you do so, is that they are naturally wired to be straight but are making the conscious decision to act in direct opposition to this. You are charging them with the most profound emotional treason.

Does that line of thinking work at all if you superimpose it onto your own life? That would mean that you could just as easily be gay as straight; that you could, with enough cajoling and suggestion and support and prayer — choose to be attracted to, desiring of, and aroused by someone of the same sex.

Regardless of many Christians’ attempts to claim otherwise, two LGBT human beings involved in a committed loving relationship are not damaged by one another. They are, as with loving heterosexual relationships, encouraged, challenged, enriched and supported by one another. (If you don’t want to take my word for it, ask them).

We can no longer ignore this critical distinction when we toss around our blanket statements about the gay community. It’s time that we who claim both Christianity and heterosexuality, ask some very difficult questions about what we really mean when we say that homosexuality is a choice, and that this choice is a sin.

When we use these words in this very limited and narrow way, we’re also assuming that our own inclination, toward not just sex, but affection, intimacy, companionship, romance, and love, are all within our control and alterable — that they involve decision on any level.

We’re also assuming that anytime we have sexual relations with someone, that it is always an activity disconnected from and devoid of love. If we choose that path, we’re opening up our own expansive sexuality up to the prospect of being reduced down to solely the act of intercourse.

Further, we need to look at the Scriptures we so easily throw at the LGBT community and ask whether those handful of verses really refer to a person with beautiful inclinations toward love and affection and companionship, or whether they just refer to someone doing something with their body parts, and also ask how we apply those verses to actual flesh-and-blood human beings seeking authentic relationships.

What did the Bible writers reference when they used the words translated as “homosexuality”? (No such word existed when it was written, so this is a crucial question to ask and seek to answer well).

In this very important conversation where words do matter, we also need to jettison useless ones.

There is no such thing as a “heterosexual lifestyle”, just as there is no homosexual lifestyle. These terms have no real meaning or value. They speak no truth about any of us. They serve no purpose but to demean people and insult them and avoid respectful dialogue.

We should throw them in the garbage and dare to ask the much more difficult questions about how love and affection and intimacy and sex are connected — in all of us.

As straight individuals, we can’t demand to be drawn with great detail and precision, while simultaneously grossly caricaturing the LGBT community. Their hearts are as vast as our own, and their stories filled with all the nuance and complexity that we have experienced in ours.

Yes, LGBT people are absolutely making a choice.

They are choosing to be the most honest, authentic versions of themselves. They are choosing to be led by the unfiltered direction of their hearts, just as you and I are. They are choosing to relent to the things that in all of our lives, never can be chosen.

The only relevant choices for straight Christians are whether or not we will treat the LGBT community as fully complex, intelligent, emotionally intricate human beings; and whether or not we will be willing to examine both our personal opinions and our theology accordingly.

The choice is ours.

(From Huffington Post)

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The Most Terrifying Woman In Hollywood

Lake Bell complained to Sam Jones in an interview recently that she gets derided by men who ask her, if she wants to be taken seriously, why pose naked? lake_bell_by_smutbroker-d7yp2t3Her response is that it’s artistic and beautiful and it makes her feel sexy. She went on to explain that showing off her sexuality should in no way detract from her being an intelligent woman. In 2012 Bell wrote, directed and starred in “In a World”.  The film has strangely garnered cult status in Hollywood because it literally came out of nowhere. Bell did not even tell her agents she was working on it until was done. The film won best screenplay at the 2013 Sundance Film Festival, (her 2nd film at Sundance). Everyone involved in “…a World”, didn’t even think it would be accepted. Sam Jones ended the interview by saying “Everyone is Hollywood is wondering what Lake Bell will do next”

My father, a witty college professor, used to tell attractive women that held his attention that “Beauty and brains is a dangerous combination”. Lake Bell is a sexual nuclear bomb designed by a nuclear scientist- dangerous doesn’t cover it. Her verbal acuity is matched only by her locker-room humor. When asked about her early modeling career, she hesitated and said, “Boobs, boobs and more boobs, lots of boobs” -on being pregnant,pregnant “Its sucks, you get the hangover without the tequila” She’s the woman every guy wants to do shots with and hopefully sleep with. And every woman wants to….. Well do the same.

Throughout history men have been accusatory of women with sexual power. Eve kicked us out of the “Garden”, Helen’s beauty was cause of the Trojan War and Cleopatra was killed after she seduced the two most powerful men in the world. American culture is still trying to decipher how and why Marilyn Monroe’s sexuality led to her demise. Camille Paglia says that beautiful women are always scrutinized and harassed. In her book, Sexual Personae, she states that men honor but fear women. “A woman’s sexuality is tied to nature and can’t be denied”, (menstruation, child birth) “Woman’s centrality gives her a stability of identity. She does not have to become but only to be.” She goes on to say that man’s identity is dependent on her acceptance of him which breeds male anxiety.


“In a World” where Muslim women are forced to wear restrictive clothing, African and Indian women are subjected to commonplace sexual crimes, Hollywood has embraced this powerful neo-feminist in a way that is unprecedented. Throughout it all she has stuck to her guns, and has become one of the most talked about film makers in America. What makes Lake Bell frightening is her ability “to be”.


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Plans To Go Trans

Let the debacle begin. In an interview slated to air April 24, Bruce Jenner will sit down with Diane Sawyer to discuss his decision to become a woman. TMZ reports the interview will discuss his life’s journey and what lead him to announce his “transitioning” now. He will also supposedly discuss how he has identified as female since he was a young child. The three ring circus consists of: 1) His involvement in the hugely popular reality show ‘Keeping up with the Kardashians”, 2) The fact the he was the epitome of “maleness” and world famous for winning the gold medal in the decathlon and


3) The backlash of the transgendered community.
The LGBT community has been better represented in the past few years in the media and on television. Ellen DeGeneres hosted the Academy awards, Glee and Pretty Little Liars have gay leads and Last year the Supreme Court ruled in favor of gay marriages. More recently, TIME magazine had transgendered actress Laverne Cox on the cover with the Title “America’s New Civil Rights Frontier”. So at this crucial junction this may not be the right Olympian to pass the “baton” to. What’s next, “Khloe and Bruce take San Francisco”, in it we get to see Kim and Bruce go shopping for Bras? I bet Gloria Allred thinks the Kardashian clan are publicity whores.

To gain acceptance from conservative communities, LGBT need to educate people subtly, not bust in with a sledge hammer. The perception by many is that the transgendered struggle is disingenuous. Drian Juarez of the Los Angeles LGBT Center’s Transgender Economic Empowerment Project says, “Much of the hostility toward transgender people comes from people who think the transgender person is trying to fool them. But Tran’s people’s appearances”, she said, “aren’t a costume…” For better or for worse, because of Jenner, we will be hearing a lot more about the Trans movement. So to help you navigate through the madness I have included a GENDER GLOSSARY:
Transgender– Identifying as a member of the sex opposite to that assigned at birth, and the desire to live and be accepted as such
Transvestite– (or transvestic fetishism) A psychiatric diagnosis for sexual interest in (crossdressing). Mostly hetero men who are ok with assigned sex
Transsexual– desire to live and be accepted as a member of the opposite sex, usually accompanied by a sense of discomfort with, or inappropriateness of, one’s anatomic sex, and a wish to have surgery and hormonal treatment to make one’s body as congruent as possible with one’s preferred sex.
Transman– A female to male Trans person assigned a woman at birth
Transwoman– A male to female Trans person assigned a male at birth
Trans airlinesSometimes a plane is just a plane
Eonists– Term invented by Havelock Ellis in 1925 to describe crossdressers. (see Cheveliar D’eon)
Hermaphrodite– In biology any organism that has reproductive organs assoc. as male and female
Intersex– a variation in sex characteristics including chromosomes, gonads, or genitals that do not allow an individual to be distinctly identified as male or female
Drag Queen– is a person, traditionally male, who crossdresses and often acts with exaggerated femininity
Androgyne– Possessing masculine and feminine qualities
Gynophile– Sexual attraction to masculinity
Androphile– Sexual attraction to femininity
Crossdresser– An Individual who prefers to dress of the opposite sex
Gender Identity Disorder– Also called gender dysphoria. A formal medical diagnoses, (see Transgendered)
Genderqueer– Gender indent that is not masculine or feminine
Gender-neutral- Opposed to any formations or assignments of gender
Non Binary– Not believing in two distinct genders
Agender– Possessing no gender or genderless.
Third Gender– Belonging to a third yet unnamed gender
Bigender– Belonging to two genders
Pangender- Identifying as all genders
Cisgender– Any non-transgendered person or adhering to assigned sex

  • Gender Margarita BlenderProduces intoxicant which increases likelihood of cross-dressing
  • Transgender fender-benderCar crash involving 2 or more trans people

Tired yet? All the terminology is out of hand- “Hey LGBT Ru Paul called and said your acting dramatic.” Americans were just getting accustomed to the right racial terminology for everyone and now this? It’s ironic that a group of people eager to disband prejudicial stereotypes is so insistent on labeling every minute faction.

There is no denying that all members of the LGBT community have had a tough road and transgendered folks are enduring more of the hardship now. A 2011 survey of more than 6,400 transgender people by the National Center for Transgender Equality and the National LGBTQ Task Force shows the real life struggles.

Click to access ntds_full.pdf

–More than 90% of the transgendered people surveyed reported having experienced harassment or discrimination at work, they are four times more likely to be living in poverty and have an unemployment rate twice that of the general population. Twenty five percent of Trans people have been physically attacked because of their gender status and hundreds are murdered every year. 41% had tried to commit suicide (dwarfing the general population figure of 1.6%) and up to 50 percent of transgender teenagers attempt suicide.

The community has been thorough a lot and the tide is changing but navigating from here in a palatable way is crucial. Bruce Jenner’s announcement, whether he excepts it or not, comes with an awesome responsibly. Nick Adams, the spokesperson for GLAAD is concerned. “When you make a spectacle out of guessing who is and isn’t transgender, it harms real transgender people just trying to go to school or work and trying to live their lives,”

If Jenner talks about important issues confronting the community, stays away from reality TV, moves into womanhood slowly (maybe getting a stylist) he could be an important spokesperson for the struggle of Trans people everywhere. If not things could get hairy

Conchita Wurst

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“Hot For Teacher”



Barbara Walters sits down with controversial couple Mary Kay Letourneau and Vili Fualaau in an exclusive 20/20 special to air on ABC on Friday. 
The couple will mark their 10th anniversary with an exclusive interview with 20/20’s Barbara Walters this Friday, April 10.  Mary Kay Letourneau was convicted of statutory rape due to her affair with her 13-year-old student Vili Fualaau.

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Why Married Men Cheat

In researching my previous article, Why Married Women Cheat, I found that the reasons for infidelity are multi-factorial.  Female cheating is not purely sexual but hinders more on psychological shortcomings and unfulfilled emotional needs.   Men are not dissimilar.  M.Gary Neuman decided to do research from a man’s perspective in his book, The Truth About Cheating. He interviewed faithful and unfaithful guys- this is what he found:

  • 48% of men rated emotional dissatisfaction as the primary reason they cheated – So much for the notion that men are all about sex, in fact, only 8% of men said that sexual dissatisfaction was the main factor their infidelity.
  • 66% of cheating men report feeling guilt during the affair- Even nice guys cheat. In fact, 68 percent of cheaters never dreamed they’d be unfaithful, and almost all of them wished they hadn’t done it.
  • 77% of cheating men have a good friend who cheated- Some guys rationalize cheating if others are doing it. Build your social circle around happily married couples that share your values. It will create an environment that supports marriage.
  • 40% of cheating men met the other woman at work – If he praises or mentions the name of a female coworker more than he would a male counterpart, your antennae should go up — and it’s time for the two of you to set boundaries about what is and isn’t okay at work.
  • 12% of cheating men said their mistress was more physically attractive than their wife- “In most cases, he’s cheating to fill an emotional void,” Neuman says. “He feels a connection with the other woman, and sex comes along for the ride.”
  • Only 6% of cheating men had sex with a woman after meeting her that same day or night – 73% of men stated that they knew the women a month or more before starting the affair. This would indicate that wives might see it coming before he does.


Researchers agree that men cheat more than women. In Alfred Kinsey’s, Sexual Behavior in the Human Male, he found that 50% of married men cheated. In 1953 he found that 26 % of woman cheat. Both those numbers have gone up since the 50s. In a 1991 study, sex researcher Shere Hite found that 70 percent of married women have cheated on their partners; a 1993 follow-up study found that 72 percent of married men have as well. According to a 2004 University of Chicago study, 25 percent of married men have had at least one extramarital affair. In 2010 a study by The Kinsey Institute found that 66% of married mean cheat. There are currently 12 million members looking for extramarital intimacy on web site AshleyMadison.com (tagline: “Life is short. Have an affair.”).

The numbers vary per researcher but we know that getting cheated on is a reality. So what do we do?  Here are some signs he maybe be straying: he spends more time away from home, stops asking for sex, picks fights more frequently, or avoids your calls.  The wrong thing to do is get jealous and/or confront him before direct proof. If he is faithful and you overreact you could further the divide.  Instead control the only thing you can, your behavior. Be an advocate for your marriage.  Show your appreciation for him, plan dates and offer sex. (Sexual excitement ends with a release of oxytocin which elicits feeling of closeness)  Neuman says. “And be open about how you feel about what’s going on between the two of you (again, without mentioning any third parties). Try”, ‘I think we’ve started to lose something important in our marriage, and I don’t want it to disappear.’ If he has definitely cheated and you can move on do it! Humans are highly sexual creatures and make mistakes. He is in fact fighting millions of years of built in instinctual drives and nature is a powerful adversary. Percentages show he probably still loves you. If the marriage is worth saving create a space for him return, give him an opportunity to come back and restore what you have lost.