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“Infidelity Wesbite”, Ashley Madison Hacked

Ashley Madison founder Biderman demonstrates his website on a tablet in Hong Kong

(Reuters) – Hackers claim to have personal details of more than 37 million cheating spouses on dating website Ashley Madison and have threatened to release nude photos and sexual fantasies of the site’s clients unless it is shut down, blog KrebsOnSecurity reported.

Ashley Madison’s Canadian parent, Avid Life Media, confirmed the breach on its systems and said it had since secured its site and was working with law enforcement agencies to try to trace those behind the attack.

The hackers, who call themselves The Impact Team, leaked snippets of the compromised data online and warned they would release customers’ real names, profiles, nude photos, credit card details and “secret sexual fantasies” unless their demands were met, Krebs said. (http://bit.ly/1fWNcar)

The hackers also demanded the closure of another of Avid Life Media’s sites, sugar-daddy site “Established Men”, but did not target the company’s “CougarLife” site, which caters for women members looking for “a young stud”.

Ashley Madison, which uses the slogan “Life is short. Have an affair”, has been planning to raise up to $200 million through an initial public offering on the London Stock Exchange.

The breach comes about two months after dating site Adult FriendFinder was compromised. That site has an estimated 64 million members.

The Impact Team, in a screengrab showing on the Krebs blog, say it had taken over Avid Media systems including customer databases, source code, financial records and emails.

“Shutting down AM (Ashley Madison) and EM (Established Men) will cost you, but non-compliance will cost you more,” the hackers said.

They said users who had paid a fee to Avid Life to have their personal data permanently deleted had been lied to and the company had retained records, including credit card information.

(Reporting by Abhiram Nandakumar in Bengaluru; Editing by Rodney Joyce)

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Honesty Is Not The Best Policy… (Early On)

In early relationships we are in the “Wonder of me phase”.  Everything we learn about our new infatuation is nascent. We present our best selves and are intoxicated by the personality of our new interest.  However, many people sabotage relationships by being too honest.  For the first three months, we are hopped up on dopamine and serotonin drawing us together. This is nature’s calling card, However, after three-six months, the hormonal attraction begins to die off. The red flags we chose to disregard in place of libidinous urges start to resurface and the wrong information we gave out during this early phase of a relationship can be destructive.

In the beginning everything is amazing. The sex is hot. We spend long nights on the telephone like teenagers, longing to know everything.  But be cautious, the answers given during this time need to be considered carefully and total honesty can be deadly.  Many off us ask questions about our new partners’ sex experiences.  Women, this a RED ALERT!  He really doesn’t want to know the craziest things you’ve done, or how many partners you have had, (If he perceives them as a lot).  It will eat at him and many times ends up resurfacing later during a fight.

The following are real situations that I have either experienced first hand or dealt with in therapy.  They will be presented with multiple choice answers of possible responses. The real answers will be showed along with how it hurt the relationship.

  1. (Four months together) A young woman is in love but still wants to have an active social life. She is honest about that from the beginning and goes out a lot.  After a big weekend with her friends (3 party nights out) he says it doesn’t work for him. They talk and agree that one day a week is enough for her to go out but any more is unacceptable. She lets him know that there is a weekend that her friends have planned and she needs to go. He reluctantly agrees. Leaving to go out he says “Have a good night and let’s talk tomorrow”.  She responds by saying that she will text him if she has a chance.  (She stays out until 6 a.m. going to parties in Hollywood).   He misses her call in the AM, and she leaves a message that she has a pool party to go to and will call him that afternoon. She calls him and he picks up.  (The pool party is very fun with lots of guys giving her attention)   What should she say?
    1. “Hi honey, so sorry, I didn’t have my phone last night, the parties were OK but I miss you so much. I’m at a party now but it’s not that much fun, I’m missing you, when can I see you?”
    2. “Hi Hon, OMG, didn’t have my phone last night. Crazy night! I didn’t get home until 6am. By the way (Insert an “A” list celebrity name) was there and was hanging all over us. I’m at a pool party now, so fun, and I’m telling guys here I have a BF but they won’t let up”.
    3. “Hi Hon, sorry didn’t text you last night. I didn’t take my phone out so guys won’t ask for my number. Really fun night but I’m tired.  I’m at a party with a lot of drunks. I’ll be home tonight and I’ll call you. When can I see you this week?”

Answer 2 is the actual truth of what really happened, and that is the answer she gave.  But is it really crucial that her BF knows all of it?… NO!  It demonstrates her insecurities. She wants him to know how cool she is and that she is a sought after woman. Unfortunately, that is not the message it sends. It says that she needs male affirmation. He realizes how much work this relationship will be and breaks up with her.  3 is the best answer. It states the facts without causing her BF to be jealous and can be a relationship saver.

  1. (Four months together) A couple are falling in love but have a long distance relationship. (3 hours by car). The girl is insistent on speaking every day and being totally transparent about everything. The guy vocalizes that this is too intense but relents to please his new found love. It becomes apparent through daily conversations that she has a very close guy friend who she spends a lot of time with.  They have drinks and smoke pot together. She goes to dinner and movies with him.  One night he calls her and he is in her room on her bed. She offers no explanation and acts like it is innocent.  Wanting to be sure, he later asks if he should be concerned and if they ever dated.  ( In fact they have been friends for a long time and had sex once. She really loves her BF and this guy is just a friend ). What should she say?
    1. No we have never dated. You have nothing to worry about. He’s a very special friend of mine and my family and that is the extent of it”.
    2. “No we never dated but we hooked up once randomly and it was a bad decision. We are much better as friends and that is all I want from the relationship”.
    3. “No we never dated but we did F#$ck once. Now he is just a friend.”

2 and 3 are the truth. If the couple is keeping up with transparency, the fact that she did sleep with him is consistent with that.  However 1 is the best answer. It’s not lying.  They did not date and that is the question that was asked.  If he follows up and asks if they hooked up then that changes things and answer 2 is relevant.  But he didn’t, and maybe he won’t. It’s very possible that all he wanted is assurance that there is nothing to worry about and doesn’t want the gory details.  Her answer was 3.  The “F” word was a bad call. It makes her seem callous about sex and that she is prone to one-night stands.  The relationship never recovered and this “friendship” was a source of distrust that brought the relationship down

  1. (One year together dating casually) A group of guys go to Las Vegas for a bachelor party. Many of his friends are single and players.  He has told her about his friends’ escapades and uses the stories to assert his difference from them. His girl told him that she wants to be totally honest about everything, even bad stuff.  She states that if they want to move forward as a couple, they can work through anything. ( During the weekend he hooks up with a girl but they don’t have sex. He has some guilt)  He knows it was a mistake and doesn’t want to lose what he has.  When he gets home she asks him if anything bad happened in Vegas.  What should he say?
    1. “Honey sit down, I feel so horrible, I made a huge mistake. I got drunk and hooked up with a girl. I know we said we can be honest about everything and that’s what I’m doing. I love and you are the only person I want to be with.”
    2. “No honey nothing bad happened. We partied hard and it made me realize that the single life isn’t for me. I only want to be with you and spend my life you.”
    3. “Yes honey something bad did happen. I made a mistake and hooked up with a girl. It meant nothing and I just love you.”

Answers 1 and 3 are the complete truth.  The couple did have a pact that they should be honest about everything.  However, she asked him if anything bad happened. That can be taken different ways.  Bad?…. He didn’t kill anybody, go to jail or lose a 5 grand. Those are bad things.  He made a mistake which made him realize how much he loves her.  That actually could be viewed as a good thing.  Unfortunately, he chose answer 1.  The reason he told me is that he couldn’t handle the guilt of lying to his GF.  That makes it about him. He is actually telling her to appease his own guilt.. If he did this “bad”, thing then he has to deal with that fact by himself.  His catharsis should not include hurting his GF. In the end, she didn’t believe that they just “hooked up” and never trusted him again.  They ended up breaking up.

Dishonesty should not be a rule. The paradigm changes when relationships have been established by being together for years or by marriage.  Then, honesty can be a powerful ally. But trust must be established first.  Before that point, brutal honesty is a bad idea and can kill otherwise strong bonds.


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Janes Addiction

It seems like sex addiction makes headlines every time a public figure is caught in a cheating scandal. Tiger Woods: sex addict. Anthony Weiner: sex addict. Charlie Sheen: sex addict. It’s often unclear whether their admissions are true or simply an excuse for infidelity. But for the estimated 12 million Americans who are said to suffer from sex addiction and the psychologists who treat them, it’s a serious mental health issue.
“Sex addiction is a compulsive behavior ranging from watching pornography to engaging in sexual activity to get ‘high’ or numb from reality,” Dr. Stacy Seikel, chief medical officer of RiverMend Health’s Integrated Recovery Services in Atlanta, tells .This may sound like a safe, even enjoyable addiction, especially compared with other compulsions — such as abusing drugs or alcohol — that can lead to hospitalization and death. But sex addiction is just as persistent and doesn’t necessarily achieve the pleasure or comfort most expect from a sexual experience. “Breaking the addiction can cause anxiety, insomnia, poor concentration, depression, irritability, mood swings, and isolation,” Seikel says. “The person is seeking a feeling or sense of satisfaction that may not be met.”
So who are sex addicts? Though it’s often thought that sex addiction is the result of sexual trauma or something that affects creepy old men who watch porn in dimly lit basements, in reality, sex addiction can affect anyone. And cybersex addiction is rapidly growing in women, Seikel says.
Related: Are You a Serial Dater — or a Love Addict?
Take Erica Garza, for example. “I feel like I always knew I had a problem with sex and masturbation, even from the very beginning of my sexual exploration when I started having orgasms at age 12,” Garza, a professional writer and essayist who has struggled with sex addiction, tells Yahoo Health. “I admitted openly that I had an addiction and needed help when I was in my late 20s and met my husband.”
Garza’s addiction started with masturbation, which helped her escape her emotions. “I was raised Catholic, and never heard other girls talking about masturbation. I immediately associated my sexual excitement with shame,” she says. “Then I discovered porn, and my tendency to reach for these habits became more immediate and intense, and my shame grew bigger and more powerful. I believe these thoughts of shame are what fueled my sexual habits into actually becoming addictions over the years.”
Before her marriage, Garza says, she took part in destructive behavior and acted out in relationships. This is not unusual among sex addicts: According to Seikel, cheating; lack of intimacy; multiple, random sex partners, unsafe sex, and compulsive masturbation are common characteristics.
The American Psychiatric Association first recognized sex addiction in 1987 in the third edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-III). According to the definition in this manual, sexual addiction as a mental disorder — clinically called hypersexuality disorder — is distress about a pattern of sexual conquests involving people who exist only as things to be used. Sexual addiction was removed from the manual update in 1994, and re-introduced in 2013 as a condition that requires more research — though it’s not considered an official diagnosis.
This opened doors for doctors, psychologists, and researchers who don’t see sex addiction as a diagnosable disorder, but rather a concept based on the fear of sex, to speak out. “People with high libido, internalized conflicts over sex, relationship conflicts over sex, LGBTQ orientations, and coping skills that use sex for stress management, are often labeled as sex addicts,” says David Ley, a clinical psychologist in Albuquerque and author of The Myth of Sex Addiction. “This is inappropriate, stigmatizing, and shaming.”
Related: What Would The World Be Like Without Mental Health Stigma?
Garza, on the other hand, thinks it’s wrong for people to think that she does not have an addiction or that her symptoms are not the same as those with diagnosable disorders. “I can listen to someone talk about their sex addiction, their alcohol addiction, or their drug addiction and, while the ‘drug of choice’ is different for each, so much else — the underlying emotions of shame and isolation — are similar,” she says. “It all comes back to escape.” She thinks it’s brave for anyone, celebrity or not, to admit to their addictions because it could help end the taboo.
Sex addicts, like Garza, often see therapists so the behavior does not run their lives. Cognitive behavioral therapy is an effective therapeutic method, Seikel says. But according to Ley, there is no evidence that sex addiction can be cured or treated, or even needs to be. He says: “No one in the history of the world has ever died or got sick when they didn’t get to have sex.”
Garza is just one of the many who lives with sex addiction, and each person’s experience is surely unique. To find out some other candid descriptions of what it’s like to live with the addiction, we teamed up with Whisper, the free app that allows users to share their secrets anonymously. Check them out below:

Sex addiction may not be officially recognized by the “psychiatrist’s bible,” but people with the condition say it’s all too real.
It seems like sex addiction makes headlines every time a public figure is caught in a cheating scandal. Tiger Woods: sex addict. Anthony Weiner: sex addict. Charlie Sheen: sex addict. It’s often unclear whether their admissions are true or simply an excuse for infidelity. But for the estimated 12 million Americans who are said to suffer from sex addiction and the psychologists who treat them, it’s a serious mental health issue.
“Sex addiction is a compulsive behavior ranging from watching pornography to engaging in sexual activity to get ‘high’ or numb from reality,” Dr. Stacy Seikel, chief medical officer of RiverMend Health’s Integrated Recovery Services in Atlanta, tells Yahoo Health.
This may sound like a safe, even enjoyable addiction, especially compared with other compulsions — such as abusing drugs or alcohol — that can lead to hospitalization and death. But sex addiction is just as persistent and doesn’t necessarily achieve the pleasure or comfort most expect from a sexual experience. “Breaking the addiction can cause anxiety, insomnia, poor concentration, depression, irritability, mood swings, and isolation,” Seikel says. “The person is seeking a feeling or sense of satisfaction that may not be met.”
So who are sex addicts? Though it’s often thought that sex addiction is the result of sexual trauma or something that affects creepy old men who watch porn in dimly lit basements, in reality, sex addiction can affect anyone. And cybersex addiction is rapidly growing in women, Seikel says.
Related: Are You a Serial Dater — or a Love Addict?
Take Erica Garza, for example. “I feel like I always knew I had a problem with sex and masturbation, even from the very beginning of my sexual exploration when I started having orgasms at age 12,” Garza, a professional writer and essayist who has struggled with sex addiction, tells Yahoo Health. “I admitted openly that I had an addiction and needed help when I was in my late 20s and met my husband.”
Garza’s addiction started with masturbation, which helped her escape her emotions. “I was raised Catholic, and never heard other girls talking about masturbation. I immediately associated my sexual excitement with shame,” she says. “Then I discovered porn, and my tendency to reach for these habits became more immediate and intense, and my shame grew bigger and more powerful. I believe these thoughts of shame are what fueled my sexual habits into actually becoming addictions over the years.”
Before her marriage, Garza says, she took part in destructive behavior and acted out in relationships. This is not unusual among sex addicts: According to Seikel, cheating; lack of intimacy; multiple, random sex partners, unsafe sex, and compulsive masturbation are common characteristics.
The American Psychiatric Association first recognized sex addiction in 1987 in the third edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-III). According to the definition in this manual, sexual addiction as a mental disorder — clinically called hypersexuality disorder — is distress about a pattern of sexual conquests involving people who exist only as things to be used. Sexual addiction was removed from the manual update in 1994, and re-introduced in 2013 as a condition that requires more research — though it’s not considered an official diagnosis.
This opened doors for doctors, psychologists, and researchers who don’t see sex addiction as a diagnosable disorder, but rather a concept based on the fear of sex, to speak out. “People with high libido, internalized conflicts over sex, relationship conflicts over sex, LGBTQ orientations, and coping skills that use sex for stress management, are often labeled as sex addicts,” says David Ley, a clinical psychologist in Albuquerque and author of The Myth of Sex Addiction. “This is inappropriate, stigmatizing, and shaming.”
Related: What Would The World Be Like Without Mental Health Stigma?
Garza, on the other hand, thinks it’s wrong for people to think that she does not have an addiction or that her symptoms are not the same as those with diagnosable disorders. “I can listen to someone talk about their sex addiction, their alcohol addiction, or their drug addiction and, while the ‘drug of choice’ is different for each, so much else — the underlying emotions of shame and isolation — are similar,” she says. “It all comes back to escape.” She thinks it’s brave for anyone, celebrity or not, to admit to their addictions because it could help end the taboo.
Sex addicts, like Garza, often see therapists so the behavior does not run their lives. Cognitive behavioral therapy is an effective therapeutic method, Seikel says. But according to Ley, there is no evidence that sex addiction can be cured or treated, or even needs to be. He says: “No one in the history of the world has ever died or got sick when they didn’t get to have sex.”
Garza is just one of the many who lives with sex addiction, and each person’s experience is surely unique. To find out some other candid descriptions of what it’s like to live with the addiction, we teamed up with Whisper, the free app that allows users to share their secrets anonymously. Check them out below:
1124327e3bdf5979325eaf282f6ea3511f7dcf56d21cc4c075968fcc828d715c2a66572e8e4b68791c01112fb0b5d79abb748a8a8a78f3fc6792fa63
1cf8360a4323f359e718ad433418ee78b1f88c946a7f24242a50cbf4aef1a1e61a4724ebce6a7ae423bffc46517e7e95d658533f7c3cceb242305623
91a4dc57ea062fa00685f41e5133cb0506909091621667e59ddc47613b269f84bf1d1024f080b72fa6b20daa0f6e86eb93b5cb3325cd2515cd010f5f
(From Yahoo news)