When it comes to dating, finding the right person can be a hassle. You want to date someone like you, who gets you – in other words, someone who’s smart. However, if you’re just throwing caution to the wind, you might be getting sick and tired of your dismal results. Stop following old school dating advice and other dating rules. Let’s talk about how to meet that smart woman and make some meaningful connections.
Don’t meet at a bar: There are nice girls at bars, you’re there and you’re a good person, right? Yes, I agree but that’s not the issue. The problem is in bars we are letting our libido guide us. The ‘hot” girl smiling at us will win every time over the “shy” girl in the corner with her friends. Let’s admit it guys we are lazy. Try church, toastmasters or music venues. (Coachella and Oz fest don’t count)
Get your family and friends involved: Countries that have arranged marriages, like India, have a much lower divorce rate than the US. It could be that they wait to date and get intimate and another is that people close to them help choose. How many times should we have listened to our mom when picking a girl? Reach out to your friends who are in good relationships or married and tell them you are looking for a serious relationship. They will help you find a good girl.
Embrace being single: It’s OK to be single. If you hate it, you’ll appear as desperate or too eager, which scares good women away. This desperation can cloud your vision from seeing red flags because you become fixated on the idea of being in a relationship. If you’re having a hard time being single or feeling sorry for yourself, don’t date. Go out with friends and let them boost your ego until you’re ready to get back out there again.
Set the pace: You might be meeting women who are eager to settle down and rush you into intimacy, slow down and bring back the days of wooing. You will quickly learn if this is a fling or if she’s interested in being with you for a long-term relationship. Setting the pace and standards will bring forth the woman that is right for you – and not just a one night stand.
Take a break: If you’re no longer enjoying the dating process, don’t force yourself to date. Stop dating if you’re burnt out, in the wrong mindset, or carrying baggage from the last relationship. You will attract what you give off and you’ll be disappointed with the results. Take some time off, recharge, open your heart, and lighten your load. Having a positive frame of mine will yield better results.
Be picky: There’s nothing wrong with having a preference. After all, you’re looking for someone to be in a long term relationship. Make time for women who consider you a priority in life, communicate with you, honor their word, and treat you right. Being selective reinforces positive feelings and gives you a better dating experience.
Investigate recent breakups: Figure out why you have been unlucky and stop it. Do you just go for looks? Do you bail out too soon? Are you afraid of intimacy? Are you jealous, competitive, work-a-holic, lazy??? Be honest with yourself, talk to mom or a therapist about your issues, own them and change them. Don’t date until a third party agrees you have done the work.
Cut ties early: If you’re looking for a long term relationship and she says she’s not looking or doesn’t want to commit too soon, believe her and cut ties early on. Don’t wait around hoping she’ll change her mind. You’ll be wasting time looking for someone who is ready for something more and then you’ll regret that wasted time. Walk away as soon as you can and look for the girl that wants to be with you and commit to something long term.